OH the bliss of all the ideas on parenting I once had, pre-kid of course. They were so lovely! I can guarantee that I was an amazing parent…before I had kids!
Please, please, please, I beg of you, if you do not have kids…DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE, THINK TO YOURSELF, AND DEFINITELY DON’T SAY OUT LOUD…”NOT MY KID!” Spare yourself the slice of humble pie.
I think it is safe to say that today I have reached the pinnacle of parenting my kids the way I used to judge people for parenting their kids. You know that saying “Judge not lest ye be judged.” Well, I am going to go ahead and change that to “Judge not, lest ye end up doing the very things you were judging!”
This weekend, during a 2 hour drive to the cabin. I poured COKE, in a sippy cup, and gave it to my 18 month old!!!
And to make it worse, that was after her nutritious dinner of french fries! If that doesn’t seem so bad to you, thank you, you are doing a great job! But for me, I might as well have been pregnant and smoking!
I just shook my head and started laughing. I mean this was it. Coke in a sippy cup. I remember thinking how awful those parents were who gave their kids fast food. It was nothing short of child abuse. French fries as their only vegetable and coke in their sippy cup! “Not my kid!” And there started my downfall!
Here are some of my other not-so-shining pre-kid, or first kid, parenting faux pas.
1) Let’s say you are with some good friends and their 3 year old is taking pictures too close to your 8 month old’s face. You politely ask him to stop. And then to your absolute horror he….does it again! Hear me now…if this happens to you… Do not grab the camera out of his hands and say to the 3 YEAR OLD, IN FRONT OF HIS PARENTS, “In my house, I only say stop once!” I mean. Really. Heather. Really! How on earth my friends did not burst out laughing in my face I will never know!
2) Thinking to myself, and sometimes talking about with others, that people who don’t have their kids on a sleep/eat/wake cycle are inferior and no wonder their kids don’t sleep through the night! BLECH!! Don’t forget that this was PRE-KID!! (read more about my thoughts on Baby Wise)
3) Making my mom a chart, literally, of the EXACT times (I mean 12:36), my first born INFANT needed to be WOKEN UP to be fed. Is there such thing as Shaken Parent Syndrome? If not, someone really should have taken me by the shoulders and given a good shake!
4) People who count to three are living in a “child run home”. (Side note…If you don’t know what that phrase means, lucky you!) I remember the first time I, without even thinking, held my finger up and said “1!” I even stopped myself and thought “I am the worst parent ever! I can’t believe my kid is disobeying and I can’t believe I just starting counting to three!” hehehehe…I mean. Come on! Spoiler alert… Now I make it all the way to three (and sometimes three and a half!)
5) Rolling my eyes at families with kids who are going crazy at the grocery or restaurant. I mean, some of us are trying to eat here (or shop) can you please leave your food and come back another time! It’s not like you have anything else going on, you’re a stay at home mom.
Coke in the sippy cup was my last straw! Mothers of the world…know this…you have one less know-it-all-mom waving a proverbial finger at you!
If you want to nurse your kid until they have braces…go ahead, more power to you!
If you decide not to nurse at all and go straight for the formula, that is just fine!
If you co-sleep with your whole family, good for you, you must really save on heating!
If you use a leash for your kids at the zoo, I understand!
If your toddler is screaming at the store, church or anywhere in public and you just ignore them and keep walking, you are in good company.
I put coke in my daughter’s sippy cup, you won’t be getting any flack from me!
Recently my brother, who is expecting his first, said to me “Is threatening the only way to get your kids to obey?” I smile at you. I am sure your little one will jump at your every command, but for some bizarre reason unbeknownst to you, she doesn’t come the first time you call, I promise to not laugh…but I probably will…the first time you finally succumb to threatening as a form of obedience bribery.
What about you? Have you eaten your words yet? What is something you thought “I will never” but..now you have?